Now, I’m not entirely sure how many people want to hear about the hour-long walk I endured through Italy after a regrettable bout of food poisoning—because, honestly, I’d be shocked if many of you had an identical story. But here’s the funny thing: even if you haven’t had that exact experience, we’ve all had our metaphorical “I pooped my pants” moments. Moments where embarrassment, shame, or humiliation took center stage. Moments we wished we could erase but, instead, became permanent markers on our life’s highlight reel.
Yet, hidden within those uncomfortable moments lies a priceless opportunity: the chance to see the innocent child in someone else—just a kid who has made a “boom-boom” in their diaper. We’ve all been that child at some point, haven’t we? Learning what it means to be human, inevitably making mistakes along the way.
What would happen if, instead of judgment or shame, we offered understanding and empathy? Imagine yourself stepping fully into their shoes—thinking their thoughts, feeling their emotions, existing in their body, shaped by their past. In their exact circumstances, you’d likely have made the same choices, reacted the same way, felt the same feelings.
But hold on, who’s to say what’s right or wrong anyway? And who decides who’s right and who’s wrong? The fascinating truth about life is that it’s inherently meaningless in the sense that it has no built-in, universal meaning. Life is simply an empty canvas—one of its greatest gifts being our freedom to overlay whatever meaning we choose onto our experiences. Our minds—our internal “meaning-making machines”—continuously filter and shape our reality, assigning labels, judgments, and interpretations.
The only way something can be “right” or “wrong” is when viewed through a particular lens or perspective. Consider people who’ve endured immense hardships—often these individuals credit those very struggles as catalysts for profound personal growth. Take Oprah Winfrey, for example. Her challenging childhood—marked by poverty, trauma, and adversity—became the very soil from which she grew into the compassionate leader, inspirational storyteller, and generous spirit she’s known to be today. From her perspective now, those hardships have an entirely different meaning than they once did.
This highlights a powerful truth: it’s not what happens to us or what we have that creates meaning, but rather how we choose to relate to it. We hold the remarkable ability to shift our perspective at will. When we do this intentionally—seeing life through someone else’s eyes—their actions, thoughts, and emotions start to make sense.
Now, this isn’t about excusing destructive behavior. Rather, it’s about understanding a fundamental truth: hurt people hurt people. Forgiveness begins when we recognize our shared humanity, when we look beyond surface-level judgments and see the truth—that every action is an attempt to reach a deeper sense of peace, love, or happiness.
Through extensive exploration—drawing from ancient wisdom, modern psychology, and my own personal journey—I’ve discovered something profound: everything we do, consciously or subconsciously, aims toward experiencing these three fundamental states. I invite and challenge you to dive deep within yourself to test this truth. One powerful way to do so is through what I call “The Why Method,” a strategic self-inquiry process designed to unravel your web of beliefs—the very beliefs that shape your thoughts, feelings, and actions.
The beauty of this approach is its simplicity: once you uncover a belief that’s no longer serving you, you can consciously swap it out for a better one. Perhaps at one time, you believed punishment was the best way to correct behavior. From that perspective, you’d be absolutely right. But by shifting perspectives—addressing not just the human but the human-being beneath—you might discover something radically different: foundational rehabilitation through conscious living is not only more compassionate but also more effective for society as a whole.
All these insights weave together to create an entirely new possibility: true, lasting, and meaningful forgiveness. Forgiveness that’s about more than just excusing actions—it’s about understanding our shared humanity, choosing compassion over judgment, and embracing the freedom that comes from seeing beyond mistakes.
So remember, next time someone “poops their pants”—literally or figuratively—you’ve been there too. And forgiveness isn’t just a nice gesture; it’s the key to genuine freedom.
Hurt People Hurt People (A Compassionate Lens)
It’s easy—and incredibly tempting—to judge someone based on the messes they’ve made, especially when those messes impact us directly. But have you ever stopped to wonder what’s behind their actions? After all, when someone lashes out, disappoints you, or hurts you, they often do so from a place of pain or discomfort within themselves.
There’s a saying that resonates deeply when viewed through this lens: hurt people hurt people. When someone’s internal world is chaotic, painful, or wounded, their external actions usually reflect that turbulence. It’s as if they’re unintentionally sharing their internal storm with the world around them.
Picture a wounded animal backed into a corner, snarling and snapping—not because it inherently wants to harm, but simply because it’s scared, overwhelmed, or trying desperately to protect itself. Humans aren’t so different. Our emotional and psychological wounds are invisible, yet just as impactful. We carry them around silently, and sometimes those wounds speak louder than our true selves, influencing our behaviors in ways we hardly recognize.
Take road rage, for example. You’ve probably seen (or been!) that driver who’s overly aggressive on the highway, honking impatiently, cutting off other drivers, and visibly angry at minor inconveniences. On the surface, it’s easy to dismiss them as rude, inconsiderate, or selfish. But look deeper—perhaps beneath that aggression lies someone who feels completely powerless in other areas of their life, who’s struggling with unresolved grief, or who hasn’t yet developed healthy ways to express their emotions. From their limited, hurting perspective, acting out is an unconscious attempt to reclaim some sense of control or release pent-up frustration. Does it make their behavior acceptable? Not necessarily. Does it make their behavior understandable from their perspective? Absolutely.
By shifting into a compassionate lens, you aren’t excusing destructive or harmful behavior; instead, you’re attempting to understand its root cause. Understanding doesn’t mean agreement; it simply acknowledges the truth of our shared humanity. It helps us see clearly: this person isn’t inherently bad, evil, or flawed—they’re wounded, confused, or lost, reacting from their own painful programming. Seeing this reality changes everything. It opens the door to empathy, forgiveness, and deeper human connection.
Here’s a challenging but powerful question to consider: When was the last time you hurt someone—intentionally or unintentionally—simply because you were in pain yourself? Perhaps it was snapping at a partner after a stressful day, lashing out at a friend who triggered an old wound, or even distancing yourself from someone when what you truly craved was closeness and connection. If you look carefully enough, you might see yourself clearly in the actions of others. You might realize you’ve been both the victim and the perpetrator—sometimes simultaneously.
This realization isn’t meant to trigger guilt or shame; it’s meant to remind us of our collective vulnerability and imperfection. Remember, every one of us is navigating life with our own invisible burdens, childhood wounds, and subconscious beliefs. Seeing this truth clearly inspires a profound sense of humility and compassion. We begin to view others not merely as obstacles or adversaries, but as fellow travelers—just as imperfect, fragile, and hopeful as we are.
When we embrace this compassionate lens, forgiveness shifts from an act of generosity toward another person into something even more profound: a recognition of our common humanity. Forgiveness becomes a recognition that, at our core, we all want the same fundamental things—to be seen, understood, and ultimately healed from our pain.
Through compassion, forgiveness ceases to be an obligation; instead, it emerges naturally as the logical choice of someone who understands deeply the truth of our shared human condition. It is only from this place—of understanding and compassion—that we can genuinely forgive ourselves and others for those inevitable times when we’ve all “pooped our pants.”
Forgiveness Through Perspective (The Power of Shifting Lenses)
At the heart of every emotional reaction—whether anger, sadness, or resentment—lies perspective: the invisible lens through which we interpret and assign meaning to everything we experience. Perspective isn’t just something we have; it’s something we continuously create, moment by moment. And perhaps most importantly, it’s something we can consciously shift at any given time.
Think of perspective as the glasses you choose to put on each morning. Some days, you might pick a lens that highlights gratitude, joy, and abundance. Other days, often unconsciously, you select lenses clouded with frustration, judgment, or fear. Remarkably, the exact same situation—someone cutting you off in traffic, a harsh remark from a loved one, or a frustratingly slow line at the grocery store—can provoke dramatically different reactions, depending entirely upon the lens through which you view it.
Have you ever noticed how dramatically your emotions can shift when you suddenly become aware of the backstory of someone who’s frustrating or hurting you? Imagine you’re stuck in a long line at your favorite coffee shop, becoming increasingly irritated by a distracted barista who seems slow and careless. Now, imagine overhearing that same barista quietly apologizing because they’re deeply worried about a sick child at home. Instantly, irritation softens into compassion. What changed wasn’t the situation—it was your perspective.
This ability to shift lenses is not just about emotional intelligence; it’s about reclaiming your power. Every time you consciously shift your perspective, you exercise your freedom to experience life on your own terms. Instead of remaining trapped in negativity or resentment, you open the door to understanding, compassion, and peace. And it’s precisely through this conscious shift—this empowered choice—that forgiveness becomes possible.
Consider a friend, family member, or co-worker who has let you down. It’s natural—and tempting—to replay their offense, mentally cataloging the ways they’ve wronged you. Yet each replay only deepens your emotional wounds, reinforces your hurt, and makes forgiveness increasingly difficult. But what if, instead, you consciously shifted your perspective to understand that, just like you, they were doing the best they could at that moment, given their unique set of beliefs, experiences, and subconscious programming?
This concept becomes even clearer when you reflect on your own past actions—things you may now regret or feel ashamed of. From your current vantage point, armed with the clarity of hindsight, it’s easy to judge your previous self harshly, thinking, “I should have known better.” But the reality is, at that precise moment, you were doing the best you could given the tools, beliefs, programming, and awareness you had available to you at the time. It’s only now—with a different perspective, new information, or simply the passage of time—that you can see alternative possibilities clearly.
This realization—that we’re always doing the best we can with what we have—doesn’t only help you forgive yourself; it also helps you extend forgiveness and compassion to others. Programming is incredibly powerful; it runs invisibly beneath the surface, influencing our every decision, reaction, and belief. Most people are acting not from conscious awareness but from their subconscious programming, which may include unaddressed emotional wounds, limiting beliefs, or outdated coping strategies learned early in life. In fact, it’s when we’re on autopilot—acting unconsciously from this programming—that we typically run into trouble or create pain, both for ourselves and for those around us.
On the other hand, conscious action—the kind of deliberate response that arises from genuine presence and intentional awareness—tends naturally toward harmony and compassion, because consciousness itself is inherently considerate of what’s best for the whole. When you become conscious of your own programming, you gain the power to rewrite it, and your actions naturally become more aligned with your true self and the greater good. Recognizing this in yourself allows you to see the innocence behind other people’s unconscious behavior as well. You begin to understand deeply why people do what they do, even when their actions might appear hurtful or misguided on the surface.
Shifting your perspective in this way is deeply empowering. It transforms forgiveness from a moral duty or obligation into a natural byproduct of deeper understanding. When you forgive, you’re not condoning harmful behavior; instead, you’re choosing to no longer allow those actions—yours or someone else’s—to emotionally imprison you.
Forgiveness is ultimately a choice about how much power you’ll give to someone else’s unconscious actions over your internal state. When you consciously choose forgiveness, you reclaim your emotional freedom, returning your power to yourself. You move beyond resentment, anger, and blame into a state of clarity, compassion, and peace.
Next time someone metaphorically “poops their pants,” remind yourself that you have the power to choose your perspective. Remember that beneath the messy actions, everyone is simply doing the best they can with the tools they have—just as you are. By consciously shifting your lens, you free yourself, reclaim your peace, and open the door to authentic forgiveness.
The Why Method – Getting to the Root of Forgiveness
Forgiveness often feels challenging because, at a superficial level, it appears to be about excusing behaviors we find unacceptable or harmful. But true forgiveness isn’t about condoning behavior—it’s about understanding the underlying motivations, beliefs, and programming that led to those behaviors in the first place.
This understanding is precisely why the power of self-inquiry is so transformative. When you get to the root—the deeper “why” behind an action, thought, or feeling—you gain the clarity needed to break free from judgment and resentment. You realize that beneath every hurtful action lies a belief or fear that drives behavior in an unconscious, yet predictable, way.
One powerful tool I’ve found remarkably effective for this kind of self-inquiry is something I call The Why Method. At its core, The Why Method is a structured and strategic approach designed to help you peel back the layers of subconscious programming, revealing the deeper beliefs influencing your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. It’s a way of asking targeted, purposeful questions that help you uncover the hidden truths at the root of your reactions.
For example, let’s imagine someone has deeply hurt you, and you struggle to forgive them. Using The Why Method, you’d start by asking yourself questions such as:
- “Why am I angry or hurt about this situation?”
- “Why does this specific action trigger such a strong emotional response in me?”
- “Why am I holding onto this resentment, and what belief is fueling this feeling?”
Each “why” you ask acts like a shovel, digging deeper beneath the surface-level emotions and thoughts until you reach the underlying belief or fear at the core of your reaction. You might uncover a belief such as, “I feel unworthy unless others validate or respect me,” or “If I forgive them, it means I’m weak or naive.”
When you clearly identify a subconscious belief, you’re no longer at the mercy of it. You now have the opportunity—perhaps for the very first time—to consciously decide whether this belief is genuinely serving you. If it’s not (and it usually isn’t), you can choose to consciously replace it with a new, empowering belief.
This profound insight isn’t limited to yourself; it also helps you understand others more deeply. When you recognize how powerfully beliefs and subconscious programming influence your own behaviors, you can naturally extend that realization to others. You understand they, too, are driven by their programming, which may include wounds, insecurities, and fears. This awareness allows forgiveness to unfold organically because you recognize they are acting from their unconscious beliefs, not intentionally trying to hurt or offend you.
In essence, The Why Method isn’t just a powerful tool for self-forgiveness; it’s equally transformative when forgiving others. By revealing the root causes behind someone’s behavior, you see clearly that harmful actions aren’t driven by malice but by unconscious beliefs. This distinction shifts forgiveness from something you reluctantly grant to something you naturally choose, because you deeply understand the universal truth: everyone, including you, is always doing their best given their current beliefs and level of awareness.
Applying The Why Method is more than just emotional release; it’s a profound act of liberation. You’re setting yourself free from patterns of resentment, judgment, and unconscious emotional responses. You’re reclaiming your inner peace, your emotional power, and your ability to live consciously in alignment with your highest self.
So, next time you find yourself stuck, angry, or struggling to forgive, I invite you to give yourself the gift of deep self-inquiry. Try The Why Method. You’ll quickly discover that forgiveness isn’t something forced or grudgingly given; rather, it’s the natural outcome of profound understanding and deep compassion.
From Punishment to Conscious Rehabilitation
Many of us grow up believing that the best way to correct undesirable behavior—our own or someone else’s—is through punishment. At first glance, punishment seems logical: the harsher the consequence, the stronger the deterrent. But when viewed through a deeper, more conscious lens, it becomes clear that punishment typically only addresses surface-level symptoms, rather than the root causes driving the behavior itself.
To genuinely transform behavior, we must shift our perspective from addressing the action (the “human” aspect) to addressing the deeper beliefs and motivations behind it (the “human-being” aspect). While punishment might temporarily suppress certain behaviors, it rarely, if ever, changes the beliefs or subconscious programming that inspired them in the first place. Instead, true change comes from addressing the core of the person, guiding them toward conscious awareness, healing, and transformation.
Imagine the scenario of someone repeatedly hurting you—perhaps by being dismissive, insensitive, or careless with your feelings. A punishment-oriented mindset might focus on finding ways to “get even,” teach them a lesson, or otherwise make them feel the hurt they’ve caused you. Yet what does this really achieve? At best, it might stop the behavior temporarily. At worst, it deepens their subconscious wounds, reinforces their unhealthy beliefs, and perpetuates a cycle of harm.
Now imagine, instead, approaching the same scenario from the perspective of conscious rehabilitation. Instead of trying to inflict pain or shame, you seek to understand why the person behaves the way they do. Through compassion, curiosity, and genuine dialogue, you uncover their underlying beliefs, fears, and insecurities—revealing the true root of their hurtful actions. From there, healing becomes possible—not just superficially, but on a foundational level, allowing meaningful and lasting change to unfold.
This isn’t merely theoretical—it’s how deep, transformative growth actually occurs. Conscious rehabilitation recognizes the profound power of subconscious programming and the fact that true healing can only come through increased self-awareness, intentional self-reflection, and compassionate understanding. Punishment tries to control external behavior through force or fear; conscious rehabilitation seeks to empower the internal human-being, guiding them toward alignment with their highest self.
The same is true when addressing your own behaviors. How often have you punished yourself harshly through self-criticism, shame, or guilt, believing it was the only way you’d learn and change? Yet, ironically, the harsher you treat yourself, the more deeply ingrained your unwanted behaviors become. True transformation happens when you choose compassion and understanding over punishment. It happens when you consciously explore your subconscious beliefs, confront your emotional wounds, and gently guide yourself toward a new, healthier perspective.
This concept of moving beyond surface-level behavior into deeper transformation is something I’ve explored extensively in The Trap of Being Human. In that exploration, you’ll discover how and why people get stuck repeating behaviors they consciously know aren’t serving them—and how shifting from unconscious reaction to conscious living is the essential step in breaking free from destructive cycles.
When you recognize that everyone—including you—is acting from their subconscious programming, punishment ceases to be an effective or logical solution. Instead, compassionate self-inquiry, guided healing, and conscious awareness emerge as infinitely more powerful tools for creating genuine change. By consciously shifting perspective from punishment to rehabilitation, you’re not only nurturing forgiveness; you’re actively cultivating a healthier, more empowered, and genuinely free life.
This isn’t just a personal decision—it’s a radical act of liberation. You’re choosing peace and understanding over pain and resentment, healing over blame. You’re no longer trapped by your own wounds or by someone else’s unconscious actions. Instead, you’re setting yourself—and those around you—free.
What We Truly Seek – Peace, Love, Happiness
Behind every thought, every emotion, and every action lies a fundamental, universal truth: everything we do, consciously or subconsciously, aims toward experiencing peace, love, or happiness. It doesn’t matter who you are, where you’re from, or what your background is; these three profound states represent the core of what every human being deeply desires.
Consider your own life for a moment. Why do you pursue certain goals—relationships, career achievements, financial stability, or personal growth? If you ask yourself this question honestly and repeatedly, you’ll soon discover that what you’re ultimately seeking isn’t the thing itself, but the emotional and spiritual states you believe that thing will provide: peace, love, or happiness.
When someone acts in a hurtful way—whether they’re insensitive, aggressive, dishonest, or seemingly selfish—they’re also, paradoxically, seeking these very same states. But because they’re acting from unconscious programming, their attempts to achieve peace, love, or happiness often come in misguided, harmful, or self-defeating forms. A person who desperately wants to feel loved might behave in controlling or possessive ways. Someone craving happiness might indulge in destructive habits that temporarily numb emotional pain. Another seeking inner peace may isolate or withdraw from meaningful connections.
Seeing this truth—that everyone (including you) is always fundamentally seeking peace, love, or happiness—radically shifts the way you relate to yourself and others. Instead of seeing hurtful actions as signs of inherent flaws or malicious intent, you recognize them as misguided attempts to fulfill deep, universal needs. This recognition allows forgiveness to flow naturally, as you realize the innocence behind unconscious behaviors and the universal longing beneath them.
This isn’t merely philosophy; it’s supported by both ancient wisdom traditions and modern scientific research. Spiritual traditions have long taught that at the heart of human experience is a profound desire for union (love), inner stillness (peace), and joy (happiness). Similarly, modern psychology echoes this insight, with countless studies pointing to fundamental human needs for connection, emotional regulation, and meaning—essentially different expressions of peace, love, and happiness.
I’ve personally explored this profound truth in-depth through extensive reflection, direct experience, and practical application with clients. What emerges consistently—again and again—is the clarity that true, lasting fulfillment isn’t about external achievements or material successes. Rather, it’s about how you consciously create your experience in alignment with these fundamental states.
That’s precisely why I developed The Ultimate Freedom Formula—a clear, powerful framework designed specifically to help you recognize and fulfill these deep human desires intentionally and consciously, rather than relying on unconscious, automatic programming.
At its core, The Ultimate Freedom Formula is about reclaiming your power to consciously choose and create your experience of peace, love, and happiness at any moment, independent of external circumstances or conditions. It’s a shift away from reacting to life’s ups and downs, toward proactively designing a life rich with meaning, purpose, and joy. When you master this formula, forgiveness ceases to be something difficult or rare; it becomes the natural way you live—because you’re already aligned with peace, love, and happiness, and you recognize everyone else’s attempts (however unconscious or misguided) to achieve the same.
This conscious creation of your own experience is profoundly liberating. It removes the burden of waiting for others to change or for circumstances to become ideal. Instead, you consciously choose peace, love, and happiness, moment by moment, regardless of what anyone else does. From this empowered state, forgiveness isn’t a gift you bestow upon others; it’s a gift you continuously offer to yourself, ensuring your own emotional freedom and clarity.
So next time you’re faced with someone’s messy behavior—someone’s metaphorical (or literal!) “poop-their-pants” moment—remember the deeper truth beneath their actions. See clearly that they’re seeking, however unconsciously, exactly the same things you want most deeply: peace, love, and happiness. Recognize your shared humanity, let compassion guide your response, and consciously reclaim your emotional freedom through forgiveness.
This is how you set yourself free—not someday, but right now.
Real Forgiveness – Owning Our Humanity
We started this conversation by acknowledging something a bit humorous but profoundly universal: everyone has, metaphorically or literally, poop their pants. We’ve all made mistakes, felt embarrassed, or done things we wish we could erase. And yet, beneath these messy moments lies a beautiful truth—each of us is simply a human being doing our best to navigate life’s complexities, driven by deep-seated desires for peace, love, and happiness.
Forgiveness isn’t about pretending hurtful actions didn’t happen or weren’t painful. Nor is it about excusing behaviors or compromising your values. Real forgiveness is deeper, more profound, and infinitely more empowering. It’s about consciously recognizing our shared humanity, seeing clearly how unconscious beliefs and programming influence actions, and choosing compassion over judgment.
Each time you forgive, you’re actively reclaiming your power from situations or behaviors that once held you emotionally captive. You’re stepping into freedom—liberating yourself from cycles of resentment, blame, or hurt. Forgiveness is never about weakness or surrender; it’s a courageous act of strength, emotional maturity, and conscious empowerment.
By integrating powerful tools like The Why Method, exploring deeper insights in The Trap of Being Human, and consciously creating your experience through The Ultimate Freedom Formula, you equip yourself with the clarity and wisdom needed to practice genuine forgiveness. You’re no longer passively reacting to life; you’re actively shaping it, consciously choosing peace, love, and happiness in each moment.
Remember, everyone—including you—is doing their best with what they have. Forgiveness acknowledges this fundamental truth and empowers you to see beyond actions, into the innocence beneath unconscious behavior. The next time someone metaphorically “poops their pants,” remind yourself gently: you’ve been there too. You’ve been both the giver and receiver of mistakes, hurt, and misunderstanding. Seeing clearly through compassionate eyes doesn’t just set the other person free—it sets you free.
So why wait? Why carry burdens, grudges, or resentments a moment longer? True forgiveness isn’t a future gift—it’s a present choice, one that immediately enriches your life, relationships, and emotional well-being.
Ultimately, forgiveness is about owning your humanity fully—with all its messiness, vulnerability, humor, and beauty. It’s about stepping consciously into a life defined not by perfection, but by presence, understanding, and authentic connection.
In other words, forgiveness is how you turn the messy parts of life into opportunities for deeper growth, freedom, and joy. And perhaps that, more than anything, is what it truly means to be human.
